Pessimistic
by Pastry chan
Summary: I watched from the window as Kazuma-kun left with his new friends again. He never really had time for anyone other than them these days. I thought the black haired youth looked like a punk, the short one looked like a gothic punk, and the pretty, red-haired female was a cross dresser, she always wore men's clothes! I hated them, but I hated the girls the most! I was so selfish...
1. Chapter 1, The Worries

**Author notes: I went through and edited this chapter for errors and other things. Let me know if you see any others.**

**Disclaimer: This is a fan fiction. No money is being made from this work. Yu Yu Hakusho is the creation of Yoshihiro Togashi and not mine. **

**Chapter 1**

I watched from the window as Kazuma-kun left with his new friends again. He never really had time for anyone other than _them_ these days. I thought the black haired youth looked like a punk, the short one looked like a gothic punk, and the pretty, red-haired female was a cross dresser, she always wore men's clothes! The only other female that came over to Kazuma's apartment was a blue-haired girl who was very feminine. I was jealous and not afraid to admit it. I had few friends as it was and now one of those few was never around anymore.

I hated it! I hated them! But most of all, I really disliked the girls!

I tried to keep the tears that threatened to fall at bay. I always had a hard time not being a pessimist about things. However, the thoughts going through my head right now were anything but cheerful. I felt betrayed and I really thought I was losing a dear friend. The last time he left, it was for weeks on end. When he finally came home, his only excuse was he had to go visit family. It seemed like a legitimate excuse at the time as his sister, Shizuru, even went with him. However, from an overheard conversation (I was not spying on him) I learned that all his new friends went as well.

I always know when I'm being lied to.

He was so beaten up and sore for days after he came home. I knew he was doing something else that did not involve any distant family of his. I only hoped it had nothing to do with any type of crime organization. He _did_ get in trouble for fighting at school all the time. My uncle was a private investigator with informants that might know something. I would have to ask him if he had heard anything about the underground crime world involving teenage boys running around doing dirty work for others. It wasn't unheard of for crime syndicates to recruit members at a young age, so I knew I had a real reason to worry.

After they disappeared around the corner, I walked away from the window towards the kitchen. I desperately needed some tea to help calm my nerves down. It might seem ridiculous but Kazuma spending all his time with his new friends really messed with me. My mind was a wandering mess now. I was trying to decide what I would do about Kazuma ignoring me all the time. I could not make up my mind and I felt so selfish and immature for thinking the way I was right now. I filled the pot with water and set it to boil. Walking back to the living area, I sat on the sofa to wait for the teapot to whistle.

I have been living next door to the Kuwabara siblings for over five years now. Kazuma and Shizuru have been a constant part of my life in Tokyo. I only have four real friends here in Japan. I have a hard time just up and making friends. I was shy and very selective with who I invested my time with. I wasn't the sort of girl to just make friends with someone just because they went to the same school as me. I needed a kind of connection that would make my involvement with someone fulfilling.

Don't get me wrong, I got along with most people fine. I've only had trouble with the people who were just really determined to hate me. I stayed out of their way and they stayed out of mine, which worked most of the time. I'm shy but that did not mean I was a push over. I didn't let people bother me with their bullying. I ignored them and they just gave up after a while.

Acting like the dumb, blonde foreigner worked to my advantage when people decided to pick on me. The teachers at school took pity on me since the only family living in Tokyo with me was my Grandpa. My parents and older sister lived in Florida in the US and had no desire to move to a foreign country. My older brother, the only exception though, was living in Germany. I haven't seen any of them in almost a year and I was starting to feel a little lonely.

My parents were the only ones who really understood my reasons for having so few friends. I come from a strange family. We were generations of very superstitious folk that liked to dabble in things that really should be left alone. At least, that's what some of the aunts told me. They liked to mess around with peoples love lives and were good at it. Actually, a lot of the women in our family liked to do that. I preferred to stay out of the mess called love. Love is not a fairytale waiting to happen. It ends in a mess and you wind up with a bitter heart. My sister is a good example of this.

That's why I was so selective about who I was friends with. I needed people who could handle my strange ways. So, far only four people have not been bothered by the salt in my windows or the little sachets hanging here and there in my apartment. The poppets I have might raise their eyebrows but they don't judge me for them. Shizuru liked to sit and watch me fiddle in the copy of the family book my aunts gave me. She even had a kitchen poppet I made for her hanging over her stove. It was there for luck in the kitchen and help keep food from burning or whatnot.

The teakettle whistled shrilly to let me know that it was ready for the tea leaves. I returned to the kitchen with a heavy sigh. The rose tea that I adored was almost empty. It looked like I would be going on a shopping trip to my favorite import store soon. I could also pick up some of the herbs I needed for the little spell I was working on too. Most Japanese shops did not carry all the things I needed for that little hobby of mine.

It wasn't anything dangerous. I never messed around with curses or dark things like that. I just really wanted to do a protection spell for Kazuma and Shizuru. They really had me worried. I had already gifted them with an aloe plant in hopes that it would help, but I still felt that more was needed. I already had all the things needed for the spell written down. I gave a little giggle as I thought of a classmate of mine that was showing off her new book of spells during lunch today.

I never used prewritten spells. If they even worked, they were never very powerful. In my family, you were always taught to make your own magic. Something you make yourself is always better and more powerful. Now, we do keep books on herbs and other information to help us create our own spells and things. We also have books that we fill with the spells we make ourselves. We just don't use things that someone has written and published. Most of that stuff is just bogus anyways.

My tea was ready for me to take back to the living area now. I carried the pot and cup in on a tray and sat it down on the table in front of the green sofa. Moving my English book out of the way, I began to pour the tea into my cup. The scent of roses and black tea was very soothing to me.

I was in the middle of studying for the upcoming English test I had when I heard the door to Kazuma's apartment open and close. That was how I knew he had left for god only knows where in the middle of the night. He was always coming and going now. When I had last asked him about it he just told me that he had some things to take care of. The way he said it was so suspicions. Kazuma was never any good at lying to people. He was too honest of a person and that's what I liked the most about him.

I really did feel cheated right now. He was always gone with his new friends; they were not even the same people he used to hang out with. Even his old friends didn't see him a whole lot anymore. Shizuru just waved it off as him making more friends. I still think they are getting him in trouble. Why else would he come home with a cracked lip or black eye?

I scoffed a little as I thought of it. I would talk to Chika-chan in school tomorrow. She always gave good advice when I needed it. I finished my tea and made my way to bed. It was late and I needed to get some sleep for school. Grandpa would kill me if I skipped another day. He always put a lot of importance on my grades. I drifted off to sleep to the sounds of rain as it began to pour outside. My last thought was how to get my Kazuma to myself.

I never heard when Kazuma came home. I was already asleep by that point.


	2. Chapter 2, The Friends

**Author notes: I have taken forever and I mean forever to get this chapter out. I'm in my last semester of college and it's pretty intense. I have a 4.0 GPA and keeping that is hard work. I'm sorry for everyone that has followed this story and been disappointed by the lack of updates.**

**I also took the time to go back and edit chapter 1 because I reread it a noticed some things that I did not like. Like errors and flow issues.**

**Disclaimer: This is a fan fiction. No money is being made from this work. Yu Yu Hakusho is the creation of Yoshihiro Togashi and not mine. **

**Chapter 2**

I talked to Chika about my problems at school the next day. Chika was four inches shorter than I was with long straight brown hair and brown eyes. She was a classical Japanese beauty. At least she would be when she was fully matured. I mean, we are _only_ 13 years old here!

I looked even younger than that. I might be taller than most of my classmates but I still looked like I was 9 or 10 years of age by American standards. Most people commented on my big wide eyes first. I've had many old women compare me to a precious moments doll on numerous occasions. Thankfully, those are not well known in japan so I don't suffer from those comments here. However, I am compared to anime from time to time. I apparently fit the profile for some people.

It was lunch time when Chika and I got to actually talk. We only shared two classes this semester and that made it harder for us to see each other. It didn't help that our school was ran by nuns of the catholic church. They were very strict about class time being for learning.

We both went to an all-girls private school that covered all grade levels. It was exclusively for the international community. Chika got in because her parents lived in England before she was born and for a few years after before coming back to Japan. Most of the students at the school were either rich foreigners or from affluent Japanese families. It was exclusive, expensive and I really don't know how my Grandpa paid for it. He said that his work actually paid a portion of it for him. I was still skeptical.

Don't get me wrong, it's a great school. They are really invested in the success of their students. The tuition went towards some great extracurricular activities. I was doing pottery this year and I have been in choir since I first started at the school. They even have their own chef cooking the meals in the cafeteria.

Grandpa insisted on living simply but would only have the best when it came to my education. Maybe my mom and aunt flunking med school, and my sister refusing to attend college made him focus on me as his last resort. I felt the pressure to excel and live up to his expectations.

I giggled a little as I sat down across from Chika in the dining room of the school. Yes, we had a dining room. Whereas most Japanese students eat in their homerooms, we have a fancy little dining room for us. I said this school was ridiculous, didn't I?

"You said you wanted to talk this morning about something?" Chika asked before taking a bite of her perfectly prepared chirashi sushi. I gave a little nod and shrugged while looking down at my plate.

"Don't avoid the topic," Chika made a face as she said this, "You always do this when you are nervous about something."

"You can't even look at the person you are talking to." She grimaced at me.

"I'm trying to think about how to word this." I huffed while pushing my bangs out of my eyes.

Chika gave me a glare while asking, "It's about that neighbor of yours, the one always getting into fights, right?"

I looked up and into her face and rolled my eyes, "He's not always getting into fights."

I looked down at my own sushi plate and gave it a shove, I wasn't that hungry. Chika was still chowing away at her food like it was going to run away on her. She might be pretty and elegant looking but her table manners were kind of iffy. In other words, she ate like a pig.

"It's those people he's been hanging around." I was whining and I knew it. But I didn't know how else I could voice my thoughts. I'm an adolescent girl and we all whine at one point or another. Any girl who says otherwise, is lying.

"He's always running off with them for days or even weeks on end, and when he comes home, he's got more bruises and cuts than I can count!" I stabbed my chop sticks into a piece of fish on my plate and ate it as I spoke. Not very lady like for me, I'm usually very uptight when it came to table manners.

I gave a little huff after I swallowed and said, "I'm not sure how to talk to him." I waved my hand in the air for emphasis. "I want to let him know that he's worrying me."

"Most of all, I want to let him know how much I miss him," Chika looked at me as I said this, "I miss spending time with him."

"It's been a few weeks since we've really done anything together." I set my chopsticks down and just stared dejectedly at my plate. "We use to do movie night every Saturday and we haven't done it in forever."

"I knew there was reason you were spending more time with me and Nana." Chika sighed. "We've enjoyed you company but we were suspicious."

I gave a shrug and said, "I should have told the two of you already, but I was a little embarrassed."

"Don't you think I'm a little too attached to Kazuma-kun?" I grimaced as I said this. I really did not want to hear the truth. My grandfather already told me I was overreacting over Kazuma and that time away from him might be for the best.

"I don't think you are." Chika said with a smile. We both stood up and carried our empty lunch trays to the attendant who took them from us with a smile. Lunch period was over and it was time for us to head back to our classes.

"Come over to my house after school today." She invited with that warm smile of hers. That smile was the main reason I became friends with her. "We can talk more then and include Nana too."

I laughed at her suggestion and nodded in consent. "I'll ride the bus with you today." I laughed and gave a little wave as I walked in the opposite direction as her. We only had classes together in the mornings before lunch.

I was excited to be going over to Chika's house today. Chika's family ran a local temple close to our school. I loved going there after school as often as I could. The ancient temple always gave me a sense of calm and serenity that nowhere else could.

I was waiting outside Chika's locker for her to show up. The whole locker area was bustling with energy. Students ran from homeroom to their lockers in haste. There was a buzz of excitement in the air. Talk of the upcoming spring festival was the main topic, as were the upcoming final tests for the year.

I watched as another group of girls left for the day. They looked very happy together as they chatted away about the newest boy band they all loved. Such a vapid relationship I thought. To have a friendship based on nothing more than simple school association and interests is not a thing for me. I need more in a friendship. I expect more.

Chika finally turned the corner of the hall and headed in my direction. She had her violin case and bag in her hands. I watched as she stumbled a little under the weight and made my over to help.

"Give me a bag." I demanded.

Chika handed me her violin case with a thanks and made her way to her locker to change her shoes. I already changed my shoes so I just had to wait for her to finish so we could go. I gave her a little grin and bumped her shoulder with mine.

"Ready to go bug Nana-chan?" I asked in a singsong way "I haven't seen her all week, I hope everything is ok."

"That's because she's heading up a club booth at her school fair." Chika commented. "She's been busy keeping things organized."

I shrugged my shoulders, "I know, I just still miss her."

Chika laughed as she said, "That's your problem, Nikki-chan. You can't go a week without seeing any of us." She looked at me as she pulled her other shoes on, "If a week does go by with no word, you freak out, and think somethings wrong."

"I am not that bad!" I huffed out while puffing my checks out in indignation.

"You actually are. You are so pessimistic about everything!" She closed her locker with a loud bang and clicked the lock back into place. We both started for the door at our own pace. I grabbed the door handle and held it open for Chika. My own school bag was lighter than hers was since I left most of my books at school. I only took what I needed to study with home. Chika though, always took everything home with her. Her parents were strict in that way. They insisted that all books be brought home every day so she could study.

I kept her violin case in my grip and smiled at her.

"Thanks again for carrying that for me." She gushed.

I gave a little shrug and kept walking. We made our way to the street and started the walk to the bus stop. I sighed a little and looked out to the street where all the traffic was. It was another busy afternoon and cars currently at a standstill. It would be a long wait for the bus with this traffic. I looked at Chika and voiced my concerns.

"We should walk down to the bus stop next to the salon. It's not as busy there as her." She suggested. I agreed and we turned at the next corner to make our way there. Chika was right and by the time we got to the stop, the bus was already pulling up. We ran to get on and were giggling madly as we made our way in. The bus driver gave us a shrewd look and took as we ran our passes through the check. We smiled at the driver and gave a little bow. We didn't want to cause any tension.

By the time we got to the temple Nana was already there waiting at the foot of the stairs. Nana was Chika's cousin but she went to another school. They both lived in the same house together with their parents and grandparents. A multigenerational home sounds like it would be tight and hectic, but they made it work.

Nana ran over and grabbed the violin case from me. I giggled as she bumped me on the shoulder with hers. That was our thing, shoulder bumps and little giggles. We were such little girls. I was lucky to have friends like them; I was just so scared that it would not last.

Chika and Nana shared a room together. It was a mash up of butterflies and celestial themes on either side of the room. Blues, greens, and pinks came together and told a story. You could tell that there use to be another occupant in the room. Chika's older sister had left last year for college. She was in Oxford University studying to be a doctor.

We all huddled on the floor around the little table in their room. Nana brewed us tea and grabbed some snacks for us. I was already invited to stay for dinner by Chiyo-san and Taka-san, the grandparents. They took pity on me since my own grandfather was gone for work so often.

Our homework was finished and we were chatting about the topic of the day. Why am I so worried about Kazuma-kun and his new friends? I was annoyed that Chika and Nana seemed to know something I did not. They kept giving each other knowing looks. I'll admit that I'm jealous of their relationship. They're as close as twin siblings and it makes me hate my own sister. We are and will _never_ be like that together.

"I _want _to know what you're not telling me." I demanded impatiently.

Nana giggles and nibbles on her cracker while she shares another knowing smile with Chika. I huffed, crossed my arms, and threw them both a look that said I was through with their game. I had just gotten done ranting all through our homework and a little after about Kazuma-kun and his friends.

"I'm being serious! I haven't seen Kazuma-kun in weeks and I don't know what to do!" I exclaimed. I put hands down on the floor and pushed myself up till I was on my knees. "Did I tell you about the red head? She looks like trouble, I'm telling you."

"The only girls who dress like her are the ones that like street fighting!" I ranted a bit more.

Chika was laughing and leaning on Nana for support. Nana set her cup aside and gave a little grin at her cousin before looking back at me.

"You know what your problem is, Nikki-chan?" Chika asked with a devious grin.

I shook my head no and waited for her answer. Hana did it for her though.

"It must be hard having to share your first love with people you don't even know." Hana cackled. I gave her a disgusted look and shook my head.

"I'm not in love with Kazuma-kun!" I squealed. They both lost it at that point and gave in to the giggle fit they were trying to contain.

I kept denying that I was in love with Kazuma. A crush maybe, but not love, I was too young to even think about that.

"I think you are just now realizing that you might actually have to share Kazuma." Chika sighed. "It must be hard to think that your crush might be dating another girl."

Nana nodded and said, "That's why those girls bug you so much. You realize they might steal him from you."

"Nikki-chan, Kazuma is a good three years older than you." Nana stated. "You might have to come to terms with the fact that he might never reciprocate your feelings."

Chika nodded sagely while saying, "Yeah, and if he does it might be a few years. Your still just 13 and face it." She looked me up and down before saying, "You look even younger than that."

"Heck, you might have to wait till your boobs actually come in for him to notice you as a women." Nana said around a grin. "You are pretty flat chested right now."

"Like the two of you aren't!" I scoffed back.

"We have more than you!" They shouted in unison.

"Just because Kazuma might never see you as anything more than a friends doesn't mean he's forgotten you." Chika consoled.

"I'm still going to ask my uncle about it." I huffed while crossing my arms. "And I'm not in love with Kazuma-kun."

Nana and Chika just looked at each other with raised eyebrows.

We all heard the call for dinner from down stairs. Nana's older brother, Natsuo, came by the door and told us to get a move on it or we'd miss all the food.


End file.
